Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize