Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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