I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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