I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
My ATM looks so different sober.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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