I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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