Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
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