Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize