I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
