Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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