Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Houston, we have a blender
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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