you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
