I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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