She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize