the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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