Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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