Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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