last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
