hotel room ftw
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
