"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
We talked him into tasing himself.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
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