cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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