did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Randomize
