i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
