Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
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