Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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