UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
now i know why i became what i already was.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
