after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
