her vagine was all disorganized.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I need to calm my uterus...
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
