i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
