yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
