Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
