Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize