You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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