I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I just had sex on a roof
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
