where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
