I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize