But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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