this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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