1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
