A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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