we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
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