Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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