apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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