nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
