I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
We need to rekindle our bromance
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
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