my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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