your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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