Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Randomize
