if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Just pee around me
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Randomize
