there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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