Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
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