yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Randomize
