Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Randomize
