drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
