see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
