Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
