...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
