So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Randomize
