Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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