Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
