I hate all girls vehemently.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize