Quick, to the slutcave!
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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