every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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