I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
