Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
