so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
