Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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