Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Randomize
