Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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