Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Randomize
