I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Randomize
