You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
