we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
