I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
