Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
