In the future we'll all be gay
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
All I want is dick and wine.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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