just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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