Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Let's paint friendship bongs
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize
