I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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