so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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