if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
