We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
