I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
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