Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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