I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Randomize
