Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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