I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Randomize
