i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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