You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
