You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
