why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
